Are We Really Sex-Positive? Let’s Talk About the Limits of Sexual Acceptance
Sex-positivity has become a buzzword for modern progressives, influencers, and brands alike. The idea is simple: all consensual sexual expression is valid, healthy, and deserving of respect. Whether you’re into missionary with the lights off or kinkier fare like bondage, roleplay, or foot worship, sex-positivity says, “You do you—as long as everyone involved is consenting.”
Sounds great in theory, right?
But here’s the uncomfortable truth: our so-called sex-positive society still loves to pick and choose. Some forms of sexuality are praised as “liberated” while others get the side-eye or full-on shame. From the stigmatization of sex workers to discomfort with non-monogamy or fringe kinks, there’s a clear line between what’s acceptable—and what still makes people squirm.
So let’s ask the real question: Are we truly sex-positive, or just comfortable with what looks sexy on the surface?
What Sex-Positivity Should Mean
At its core, sex-positivity is about rejecting shame and judgment around sexuality. It means embracing pleasure, promoting enthusiastic consent, and encouraging everyone to explore what feels good—without moralizing or gatekeeping. Ideally, it includes all consensual sexual practices, whether that’s sweet, slow love-making or rough CNC roleplay.
But in practice? Society tends to celebrate the forms of sexuality that are palatable, polished, and Instagrammable… while shaming the ones that feel “too much.”
Sex-Negativity in Disguise
We love to say we’re sex-positive. But just scratch the surface, and the contradictions appear.
Consider how we treat sex workers. Everyone consumes adult content—porn, spicy OnlyFans clips, flirty TikToks—but very few will defend sex workers’ rights in public. When someone finds success through virtual sex work, headlines still sensationalize it: “OnlyFans Girl Does X” becomes more scandalous than “Nurse from Florida Does X.” Sex work might be tolerated, but it’s rarely respected. That’s not sex-positivity—that’s selective acceptance.
The same goes for kinks. Social media made BDSM chic—celebrities in harnesses, playful “mommy” kinks on TikTok, and mainstream shows nodding to dominant/submissive dynamics. But once you move beyond rope play and sexy blindfolds into more taboo territory—like consensual non-consent (CNC), age play, or degradation fetishes—people quickly retreat into judgment. The motto becomes: “Kink is fine, as long as I understand it.”
But you don’t need to like someone’s kink to support their right to it. True sex-positivity says: As long as it’s safe, sane, and consensual (SSC) or risk-aware consensual kink (RACK), it’s valid.
Non-Monogamy: Visibility Without Respect
Let’s talk about non-monogamy. Polyamory and open relationships are more visible than ever, with creators and couples openly discussing their lifestyles online. But that visibility doesn’t always translate to understanding or respect.
While casual sex and serial dating get a nod of approval, committed polycules or swingers still get treated like a punchline. People ask, “But doesn’t jealousy ruin it?” or “Isn’t that just a phase before settling down?”
Sex-positivity means respecting all relationship structures—even ones that challenge traditional models. If people are choosing connection, pleasure, and honesty over secrecy and shame, what’s the problem?
The Media Hypocrisy
Mainstream media is another hotbed of contradiction. A sex researcher talking about orgasms on a podcast? Groundbreaking. But a porn star sharing her experience at a university panel? Suddenly, it’s “too inappropriate.”
We say we want real voices in conversations about sex—but only if they come with degrees or TED Talks, not stilettos and stage names. That’s not sex-positivity. That’s still moral gatekeeping.
How to Do Better
If we really want to be sex-positive, we need to walk the talk—not just when it’s comfortable or trendy, but when it challenges our biases. That means:
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Stop shaming what you don’t understand. You don’t need to love feet or latex to respect those who do.
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Defend sex workers. Support their labor, push back on censorship, and call out harmful policies.
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Respect all relationship styles, not just the ones that mimic monogamy.
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Educate yourself. Sex-positivity isn’t a vibe—it’s a commitment to understanding, advocacy, and respect.
Final Thought:
Next time you hear about a kink you don’t like, see a sex worker sharing their story, or encounter a poly couple on your feed—pause. Ask yourself: Am I really sex-positive… or just sex-tolerant when it fits my comfort zone?
Because being truly sex-positive isn’t about what you like. It’s about standing up for everyone’s right to safely and joyfully explore what they like.